Things you never do or say to Albert Wesker
by BLetMeRestInPeaceS
Summary: I got bored. so I decided to poke a little fun on my favorite character from Resident Evil. the one and only Albert Wesker. DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Resident Evil. Rated T for some language.


Things you never do or say to Albert Wesker, he might kill you or might just annoy him

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Resident Evil or Albert Wesker or any other references mentioned on this list. **

**But if Wesker was mine, i would kiss the ground he walks on.**

**A/N: I know this has been done before, but I wanted to do one myself to see what I could come up with. Please enjoy.**

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1) Never say that he is not God.

2) Never by any circumstances get in his way of taking over the world.

3) Never tell him you want to have his zombie babies.

4) Never tell him that Chris actually hates his guts, he might get emotional.

5) If you actually do number 4, you will see him cry and if you say "Awww…. Poor Wesky" he will simply choke you out.

6) If he is choking you, make sure you're near a window so you can push him out and remember to fall out with him.

7) If you tell him you love him, be prepared to run.

8) Tell him that Spike called and he wants his look back.

9) Never by any circumstances give him the nickname "Blondie-bear."

10) Never say NO to his world dominance.

11) If he happens to be sitting in the middle of a big white room on a throne, you could throw daggers at him but he'll only move out of the way and attempt to kill you for trying to kill him.

12) If you have superhuman strength and he injects you with the anti-virus to cure you of it, simply say "Thank you" and he might let you live for the moment.

13) Never tell him that you can kill him, he'll just glare, chuckle, and move faster than you can blink and kill you with his awesomeness.

14) Tell him to "Shut the fuck up" see what happens.

15) Use this line against him, "The right to be a God, that right is now mine."

16) Ask him for his autograph and hug him when he does give it to you.

17)Don't follow him around acting like a zombie, he might think you are actually one and kill you on the spot. He might even do it either way cause you're an annoying fangirl/fanboy.

18) Give him a baby and tell him its his.

19) Inject yourself with his serum and say, "I'm one of you now!"

20) If you do the act above he'll kill you after he says, "Theres only one God of this world and that is me."

21) Say Chris called to him that he loves him.

22) If the above act is done and a smile forms on his face thats when you say, "I'm just kidding, April Fools!" even if it isn't April.

23) Throw water balloons at him while yelling, "Dodge this! Dodge this!"

24) While he is sleeping, tie him down to the bed and when he wakes up, ask him how it feels to be dominated.

25) Don't call him Agent Smith and expect him to reply, "Mr. Anderson."

26) If by chance he does reply like that, say "I want my phone call."

27) Give him a valentines day card saying, "You can feed on my brains this valentines day" then sign it with "XXOO"

28) While he's talking about world domination and that he is God... Mock him.

29) Point and laugh at him for no reason.

30) Make him watch the movie Afterlife to show him how he died.

31) After that put in Retribution and show him that he lives.

32) After 30 and 31 are done, he will get pissed off because he didn't have any action sequences in Retribution.

33) Read to him yaoi fanfics of him and Chris.

34) Then tell him that their just fanfics and Chris really doesn't have any feelings for him.

35) Replace his viles with the virus, with ones of just water.

36) Take a blow torch to his hair to see if it catches on fire from all the hair gel he puts in it.

37) Bring him to a Video Game Con and let him go anal on the ones dressed like him proclaiming that they are God.

38) Say, "My kingdom is greater than yours and you have no power over me."

39) When you come home and walk in the door yell out, "Wesky, honey. I'm home."

40) Call yourself "Mrs. Wesker" (female) or "Mr. Wesker" (male).

41) Ask him why he thinks he's God? (He would probaly just like talking about himself.)

42) Replace all his black clothes with white.

43) If above act is done tell him the true God wants his clothes back.

44) After saying that, run like hell.

45) Redecorate his room with fairies and unicorns.

46) Sell his viruses at the Black Market.

47) When he's on the computer looking over things, read over his shoulder and constantly ask, "Whats that do?" or "What does that mean?"

...

**A/N: was going to come up with 50 but i ran out of ideas. So please enjoy the 47 i have put on this list. Read, Review, whatever.**


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